thinking of her.....
dunno why.. this morning, suddenly i started to think of her.
yes, her and only her..
just felt that i wanna write something here so that when i grow old, and memory fades, i still can read from this post.
should be '94, a valentine's day party organized by some christian people in my secondary school. at the bottom of both our chairs, there were 2 pcs of half-heart shape papers which matched. that was the 1st time i got to know her. then just friends.
cannot recall when, at world trade center, now harbour front & vivo city, met her somewhere near the arcade game center, her hair style was so cool that reminded me a chinese buddhism drama DAMO. from then i started to sneer at her..
sometimes she came to school with a nice "bundled" hair, looked like those old grandma, but really pretty, i swear i like the hair style.
my 1st crush on her, one of the 1st few saturdays during 95, after my npcc, we played basketball together and had lunch at pearl's center (near outram mrt) kfc. then i was a poor chap, her friend did offered to buy me lunch and she joking said to her friend that she offered me lunch and never treated her because only know me for days while they were classmate for 1+ year.
during CNY, we went to a friend's house for gathering and fun. ended up at marina south for steamboat bbq dinner. that was a fun outings. most of my good friends knew i was after her and started to "help" me to go nearer her by doing some childish acts. i was so shy that i tried to run away from them, how stupid was i then.... of cos i sent her home that nite.
once after my o levels, we were invited to our school activities, something like dinner and dance. we really enjoyed ourselves that evening and went world trade center mac for dinner. then 2 lady friends of mine, school mate as well, shared the seats with us, i asked them whether did they had chances to know some nice guys other there, she then pinched on my left arm, saying that i wished the 2 ladies brought more ladies to our tables as friends. later her good friend asked her why did she pinched me, and she just reply just like turning car keys to start engine. after that as usual i sent her back and on the bus we met my english teacher, and i started to chat with my teacher. at her house's void deck, i wanted to sound her but i was too timid to do that and wasted this good opportunity.
sadly, due to my poor english i repeated my o levels, happily i would be able to see her more often. once after school, as usual, we went world trade center for lunch at kfc. tagged along with her good friend. still i was a poor chap. she demanded i buy lunch, so i went to atm to withdraw my last $10, and somehow, me, her good friend and her accidentally tore that $10. i was a little disappointed but we had a good lunch that afternoon.
after my o levels, i started to work for my mum, i seldom met her since but i did called her regularly and chat over the phone. once during a cny, cannot really recalled 96 or 97. we chatted for more than 3 hours. then she got a bf, a nice guy, i was sad but still wished her happy. i saved some $$, and bought her a swatch, some furry leather belt with "ILU" letters on the watch face. of cos i gave to her and same thing, i never sound her which i wanted to.
after her o levels, she went aussie for studies, i was sad but still wished her best. during her vacation back in sg. i met up with her for couple of times, the 1st movie with her. miss congenialty really enjoyed the movie and dinner. then i was so stupid, i did not send her back home.
2002 / 03 dunno which year, she came back for good. but she had a steady bf for years. i was really really sad because i thought she'll get married with him. as usual i gave her blessing from far.
2004 / 05, she broke off with her bf, i was sad for her, yet happy for myself. i try my very best to date her, and we came out a few times. during a msn chat, i told her i like her. she questioned me why i like her, i was dumb, wordless. i knew i spoilt it. during her b'day i sent flower to her and brought her a gift. on that sunday after her b'day, she wrote the below on her MSN, and i lost her.... till now, she never reply my email, sms, msn...............
i knew i must had done something wrong which caused me to lost not only my love but also a friend.
she wrote
"all zillion reasons one has for lovin someone, the most essential pt to it all is if that someone feels the same"
as for now, there is nothing i can do but only sincerely apologise to her if i had done something that she felt i was wrong.
"I'm sorry"
and i swear if i met her by chance or she answered my sms, calls or reply my emails, i will never do anything that she don't like and i'll definitely treasure this friendship even she is seeing or even marry to someone she loves. i'll give her my very best blessing from here.
3years, 3 mths 29days and still counting...
may god bless her
ps: if someone who knows her and read this post, please inform her thanks..
dated: 22 Aug 2008, 0630hrs
posted by levinchan at 5:39 AM
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